Already got asked if we're dating
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
