just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
