Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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