one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
