just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize