why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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