I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
