my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
