Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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