census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
