Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
