I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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