I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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