Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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