I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Randomize
