That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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