You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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