how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
