Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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