"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
birth control should be required to get into college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
