I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
