Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
