I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
