he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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