mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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