I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
