dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
