I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
