There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
