dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
