i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
