btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
