yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
