It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
