I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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