I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
