We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
