He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize