I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
