I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
