so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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