I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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