fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
