roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
