So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
