I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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