We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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