awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
