Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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