There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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