some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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