You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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