did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
