i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
