I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
