I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
