Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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