everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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