he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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