Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
