Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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