The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
