Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
