So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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