Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
