did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
