My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
