I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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