We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
