ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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