I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
