i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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