that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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