my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
