So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize