DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
