I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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