i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
