Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
