Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
