She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
