2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize