ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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