Yo dont text me then not text me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
