1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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