my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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