I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize