So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did you just send me my own nude
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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