facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
