The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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