On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
