I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
