$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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