she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
