I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
