I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
