I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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